26 Things I Heard While Listening to Conversations With Men: Wall Street Edition

Conversations With Men is a pioneering forum for engaging men in accelerating women’s leadership.

The series of events is part of Impact Leadership 21, a global platform providing leadership solutions for inclusive economies.

Conversations with Men started in New York City. It is an activity that brings together influential men on a panel to candidly discuss the advancement of women’s leadership. There have been events at the UN and Wall Street. Upcoming events are planned in Japan, Silicon Valley, Australia and Puerto Rico.

I am excited to be part of the planning committee for Conversations with Men in Puerto Rico in October 2015. As part of the preparation, I listed to an audio recording of the Wall Street event . It sounds like it was a great event. The panel was very open and shared honest feedback and points for consideration. Here I share with you the points that caught my attention most.

I invite you to save the date of October 21, 2015 to join us for Conversations with Men: Puerto Rico edition.

26 Things I Heard While Listening to Conversations With Men: Wall Street Edition

1. Director to MD level is very tribal.
2. Top positions are no longer achievement of tasks — is leading, getting tribe to success.
3. Women often don’t see the initiation rites that are very subtly going on or they could attach themselves to one.
4. Male leaders don’t know the women have the aspiration because the women don’t speak up.
5. Effect and perspective of having daughters. As leader, has learned has to draw confidence out of women. Part of his job as a leader.
6. Golf – one of the big initiation rites in many industries.
7. Men write “memos” about other men’s good performance to higher ups so know about them. Women should do that for other women. Women should ask men to do same for them.
8. There is a group of men that have a club that when someone says my name, you say nothing but great things about me. This way, when someone meets me, I am already set up for success because people they know have said good things about me. We are hooking each other up all the time (43:21)
9. There was a high performing female and I suggested to her that she mentor and help out more junior women. She said to me, “This is a man’s world. I had to figure it out; they have to figure it out. That’s not my job.” I let her know that she needed to lose that mentality and show that she can develop and mentor and grow or I would never be able to give her a bigger job opportunity, because part of what makes someone a great leader are the folks that can develop others and train others and get people to follow.” (46:47)
10. The more diverse the team, the more flexible it is and the better it can adjust to changing circumstances (the times we live in).
11. Tone is set at the top, CEO. If my manager believes that, then I’m going to believe that.
12. Do things to encourage the numbers on women’s leadership to go up. Measure it.
13. Barclays launched a women’s index, tracking companies that have a female CEO or more than 25% of the board is female.
14. Have a personal board of directors. If you are a mentor, one of the big things you can do is help your mentee form a personal board of directors.
15. Sponsors are the people who will take action on your behalf.
16. Sponsors are people who will help you get ahead by using their political capital.
17. Can’t really ask someone to be your sponsor. You can expand your organizational influence and get their attention, or work on something that helps them.
18. Book: New Rules for Women, includes how to lead other women.
19. Pipeline starts WAY early—young girls, peer pressure to be like other girls, do what they are doing.
20. Women come in and immediately offer a new perspective.
21. Men sometimes feel threated by these women leaders.
22. Help the tribe succeed or in the end, they’ll go “we don’t want you” and use any dirty trick to kick you out.
23. Prove to everyone that you can do it, but that you can also play nice in the sandbox.
24. Narrative can’t be about competition, make narrative about growth and issues go away.
25. Understand your environment.
26. Don’t ask, don’t get.